sometimes i come across a moment when I am too occupied with thoughts about the past... Little things in my life help trigger my remembrance of such memories... like an old email that I accidentally came across or a little post it that I kept that somebody wrote to me years earlier... Sometimes the relationship with that person is still well now, sometimes it isn't. And if it isn't, it makes me really sad. Having a bad relationship with anybody really sucks... I wanna go back and fix it if I can but I know I cannot. I try to mend it in the present, but it feels like shattered shards of glass... Broken pieces of memories... heart broken moments and tears... result of anger and frustration. It feels so hurtful and so fragile that I am too afraid to approach... I am too afraid to step barefoot into those shards of glass and hurt myself... Make it even worse than how it is now...
Then I come to a moment where I tell myself to stop thinking about the past. Maybe that person is happy now. Why bother to bring up the sad past and remind him/her sad memories unnecessarily? So should I leave this like this? and then on and on it goes my stream of thoughts... Sometimes I am so sure with my decisions and what to do in my life, but sometimes I have these moments where I stop the reins of my horses. Is this the right way? Did I make a right turn?
So I go again with heartful of questions, both answered and unanswered, to conquer my life.
Love, angela
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